There's gotta be something more....

Woo hoo, 2009! Although, it really doesnt feel any different from 2008 to me. I guess that's a perfect description of my life now. Days blur and are no different from eachother. However, there are some pretty exciting events for the upcoming year and I am determined to have this year be fabulous.

I have decided to commit and train to run a marathon in June. I've been reading up on training for marathons and aside from being overwhelmed with the amount of information out there, I never thought the training was so intricate and multi-dimensional.

Let's see what else. As everyone close to me knows, I've been going through some issues with what and where I want to be. So taking a clue from Native American "Vision Quests" I've decided to pick up and go to Paris for 10 days-to two weeks in April. I have distant family in Paris so I'll be staying with my cousin for the majority of my time in Paris. So here's the plan: I'll fly into London where I'll stay for a day or two. After, I'll take a train to Paris, where I'll stay with my cousin. I don't have any plans while in Paris but just to walk, get lost, and get inspired. I've also decided to spend a few days in Arles, which is in the South of France, and is also where Van Gogh and Gaugin lived for a good part of there lives. Arles, is the real reason why I want to go. I've always had a fixation with Van Gogh but to be in the same city, see (roughly) the same landscape as he did is what will make this trip for me. This is where I plan to do all my "hard" thinking.

Well, okay, honestly, I'm not looking to get struck by lightening and all of a sudden know where I want to be in life. But maybe this trip will awaken something in me, something that I feel and I know is there but just hasn't gotten out yet. I talk to some people and I wonder if they have any real dreams, any other hopes and plans in life that extend further than landing a great job, having a family, and being "secure and stable". Is all there is when you get to this age this depressing and overwhelming feeling of responsibility? Responsibility to your family, your debts, and this constant work to establish this security in life. And if so, if there is just this and nothing else, what's wrong with me? This doesn't motivate me, it's depressing goddamn it!

I guess the real question is what is my passion? I just dont want to be stuck in a box with no where to go. My biggest fear is looking at my life and not seeing any real passion but being OK with that. I know there are bigger and greater things out there for me and I feel it in my gut. At least I can still smile and laugh and sing and dance. At least I've still maintained that. Hahaha, honestly, this blog was just suppose to be an update with everything that's going on and being planned it wasn't suppose to be this. I promise not to be this heavy in the future blogs of 2009.

Well on a lighter note. I've been taking pictures again and have decided to share some here.

This was taken this summer. It was a friday afternoon and one of my best friends, Karina and I drove down to Alki beach. I think this picture just captures that lazy afternoon feeling in summer. Plus, I love the different shades of green with the blue coming through.

Lately I've been really interested in capturing movement. This is one of my favorite pictures. My sister and my niece are dancing out on the porch of my niece's house. I love the smile on her face and, you cant see it, but she is looking up at my sister. Thats one of the things I wish that was different, but the blurred hand and feet give the picture a pretty cool effect.

Only in Seattle. A window display of dildos representing both presidential candidates in Nov. HILARIOUS!!

The placement of everything in this picture is perfect. Plus my sister is about to be stomped on by a big-ass boot!