Intrinsic Simplicity

So for my first actual blog I suppose I should introduce myself. I am or should be at the point where I can lay it out on the table and not be ashamed no matter who I think will come across this. But...then again, what-if-my-future-husband-stumbles-into-my-world-and-I-unintentionally-of-course-drive-him-away-before-I-even-meet-him.... EEEK.... Oh well, guess the man of my dreams wasn't much of a man at all. What a life.
So here I go:
I am originally from the GREATEST city in the whole wide world, SEATTLE. I have an amazingly dysfunctional family that i hate and adore all at the same time. I have a dog, that breaks my heart every time I see her, because I know she secretly hates us for not giving her the love we promised when she was a puppy. I have some of the most phenomenal friends, ever. It took a while to sort through them but I did! I can say that the few number of people I have in my life, including the fam, are bizarre, eccentric (does that mean the same thing? Oh well) intelligent and strong people anyone will ever meet in one lifetime.

I need to work on my self confidence, my body image, and my discipline and the best/worst part is I know this, its not the media or anyone one person telling me this, its me.

I am a Scorpio, not sure what sun...always wanted to find that out though. I am a bundle of complexities, and simplicity rolled into one. I would like to say that I am a nice balance between all the extremes out there but I'm not. I am hot or cold, off or on, here or there, and rarely in between. When you are in the middle, you think too much, and in the end you over analyze and waste hours sometimes days, so I try to do things when I feel and to say things when I think of them. (Although, the over analyzing does happen more than I like to admit). This gets me in more trouble than I like to admit, because for some reason people just don't get this. The good Lord gave me emotions, facial expressions, and a mouth to express my feelings and by-god I am going to USE them, even all at once if time permits. It just sucks that the rules of society and...ok...I preach it enough...common courtesy prevents me from really utilizing my abilities. So you can only imagine, I spend a good amount of time apologizing or explaining my actions.

This is actually something I have been trying NOT to do lately. "I don't know why I feel the way I feel but why should I have to explain it. I FEEL it, isn't that enough?" Hahaha it just hit me why I am single.

Oh that is another point about myself I should make. I am a true believer in love. The real love, the kind of love that makes you physical ache when you can't be with the person. The kind of love that has the power to turn everything else black and white but leave that one person in color. I believe that love like that, should be feared and longed for at the same time. I believe that love like that should make you despise and, want with all your being to reject it, make you want to run. But in the end you are so helpless without it, that you succumb. I believe in the kind of love that keeps you wanting to work and try, even when you have given everything you think you have and are almost positive there is nothing else.

Ya I'm one of those, disillusioned, hopeless romantics. and the best part is that even through all the bitching and complaining I do about being alone, I don't mind. Because how do you know how it feels to love and be in love when you don't know how to be alone?

This is probably too long for anyone to read, but its 12:33 AM, I have to work in 6 hours and can't sleep because I got my roommates cold, I'm congested and when I'm sick, have the most sensitve hearing EVER so the outside T.V is blaring but I am in my underwear, and I don't feel like putting on bottoms and definitly don't feel like getting up to "ask nicely". So I am rambling... HA pretty good for a first blog.